Classic. Contemporary.

30 Poems in 30 Days: Day 11 - A Blues for Nala

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 22:46:22 -0500

This one was a bit too personal to post on facebook… so I figured I’d share it here, in the recesses of my tumblr that only a few people will ever see. By all means, judge me. - 3P

Dear Lioness, mane so wild at times

smile so wide at times, heart so torn by lies

How I wish I could find

work my way into your insides

Sensually speaking, I want your mind

I want the divine

I want what lies between your eyes as much

as that between your thighs

and I… I want to tame you

I want to take you, I want to make you

but your eyes are elsewhere

Your petty actions demand that I cease to care

I swear

Lovely little Leo, how I wish things were different

You attracted and entrapped me, and I always get weakened

when you come around, swaying that tail of yours

so cunning, so ambitious, scared of failure

in life as much as in your heart

so I tried to be your savior

Tried to conquer the queen of the jungle

but you didn’t want Simba - you preferred simple

and you play games yet wonder why the game plays you

and all I ever wanted was to be true to you

and I just wanted to be there when you were going through

the phases in your life that was dotted with struggle

would have appreciated it if the shit was mutual

but you want a secure space, and I ain’t got it

It’s not that you don’t deserve it - it’s that you won’t wait for it

and who am I to demand

that you let me build myself up to you? Nah, I understand

Lioness, so poetic, leader of the pride

leaded by her Pride, and that fucked up her desires

but you following The Christ, so at least you doing that right

I just wish you’d let me back into your life

let me shake your jungle up, dismantle your expectations

prove to you that I’m the one that you’ve been waiting

for - but you clock watching, you don’t believe in stopping

and appreciating the moment, savoring the people there with you

always about progression, so you don’t see me as prepared for you

I get it - I promise this time I do

Dear Nala, aka Butterscotch Unicorn Part II

Hurt twice, so a third, I shant pursue

won’t let lay the foundation for you to play for a fool

yet again

Pray for you often, but won’t fall prey to you

Know you gon’ lay a bed of money and sleep good in it

And settle on a nigga that don’t do you like he should in it

I confess, dear Lioness - I concede the chase to you

Can’t keep letting you rip my heart apart, so I can no longer pursue

At least was fun while it lasted

Please believe, the hunt was so fucking fantastic

I just wish I was better built to last it

And I wish it didn’t end on such a tragic… note

30 Day Song Challenge Day 8 - A Song You Know All The Words...

Tue, 29 Nov 2011 23:33:35 -0600

30 Day Song Challenge

Day 8 - A Song You Know All The Words To

Lyfe Jennings will go down as one of the greatest R&B singers of all time to me. I suppose that’s a stretch for many people, especially seeing as how Lyfe really just burst onto the music scene in 2004. But to me personally, Lyfe Jennings had a quality and personality that I hadn’t heard in music in a long time - Lyfe spoke from an honest place, told stories with raw emotion that seemed to fully encapsulate how he’d felt at a given moment or at the time he recorded it. I had been fortunate enough to not be anywhere near the so-called street life that had tempted Lyfe Jennings. But his ability to tell a story well and to make me FEEL his stories, certainly had me feeling by the end of Lyfe 268-192, liked I’d lived through many of his experiences vicariously through song.

One of the songs that was especially poignant on that album was the song “Must Be Nice.” “Must Be Nice” would end up being Lyfe 268-192’s lead single and one of the strongest songs Lyfe would put out over the course of his short-lived career. It embodied a longing and a hope for true love - one that resonated with me a lot more than I’d like to admit back then, as a high school senior who’d never known love, much less had a girlfriend. I knew the words back then and to this day, I still do… because I still believe that for those who have it, while at times it may be difficult to maintain, that kind of love really MUST be nice.

30 Day Song Challenge Day 7: A Song That Reminds You of a...

Tue, 29 Nov 2011 01:40:00 -0600

30 Day Song Challenge

Day 7: A Song That Reminds You of a Certain Event

My high school graduation in 2004 - I know, I’m old. Don’t remind me - remains one of my finest moments in life. I admittedly place a lot of emphasis on validation even as I strive to be a humble person… and graduating from high school, while a much more common goal these days than it used to be, was a big deal for me. I had busted my ass to be the very best in my classes, and had even planned out a goal from the Spring semester of my junior year to make sure that I graduated with “Distinguished Achievement Honors,” a distinction that was not easily gained.

But my Senior Year was also one of the hardest periods of my life where I had to do the majority of the things myself. I had grown accustomed to not having to depend on anybody (perhaps to a very prideful extent) and so at times I struggled. It was more than fitting that, for our graduation song, the Senior Class Officers had chosen Mary Mary’s “Can’t Give Up Now.” That song to this day reminds me, as it did then, that it’s just as you’re coming into the final lap, right when your legs are getting tired and you’re becoming short of breath and exhaustion’s setting in because you’ve worked so hard up to this point… that you have to keep pushing and finish what you start. As Mary Mary so eloquently states it, “Nobody told me… the road, would be easy/ And I don’t believe He brought me this far, to leave me.”

30 Day Song Challenge Day 6 - A Song That Reminds You of...

Tue, 14 Jun 2011 20:09:50 -0500

30 Day Song Challenge

Day 6 - A Song That Reminds You of Somewhere

Though I was born in Houston, Texas, and raised in the great City of Mo (Missouri City), I only really knew my mother’s side of the family. All my mother’s people are from and in Louisiana. Westlake, Opelousas, Lake Charles… every time I ride out with my family to Louisiana, I always consider that a trip to my second home. I get to hang with my cousins, both the ones around my age and my little badass but bad-ass midget ones, hit up the casino, and engage in a game of Spades with my aunties and uncles. I love the time I spend with all of them, and I love them all dearly.

While watching the underrated Martin Lawrence film Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins, I stumbled onto Noel Gourdin’s “The River.” The smooth feel of this track, the down-home sound produced by the strumming guitar and its subtly epic intro with light piano keys… it reminds me of good times with the fam in The Boot, a chill time in the countryside, perhaps a little fishing and maybe even a crawfish boil and fish and shrimp fry. I relate so much when Noel Gourdin says, “I’m packin’ my bags/ I said I’m going back home to the place where I belong…” because it reminds me of packing and heading out to Lake Charles, or Iowa, to Louisiana period. Where I can tentatively cast my cares and obligations in the H aside, for a few enjoyable moments with family.

30 Day Song Challenge Day 5: A Song That Reminds You of...

Mon, 13 Jun 2011 23:52:00 -0500

30 Day Song Challenge

Day 5: A Song That Reminds You of Someone

So, during my time as an undergraduate student at The University of Texas at Austin, I was perhaps notorious amongst my friends for crushing. Not as in cans… or as in gratuitous sex a la Ginuwine and Fat Joe… but actually developing crushes on certain girls. I would hate to catch feelings but sometimes it just happened before I could even react. Sometimes a smile trapped me… or a laugh ensnared me… or the way she was outspoken about her dreams or “what the community needed” made me see her in a different light.

In any case, there’s someone I’ve known for a while who caught my attention. I considered us good friends, although eventually - as tends to happen - I started falling in like with this girl beyond a friendly context. The problem, ultimately, was that she was used to the finer things, things that, as a college student, I wasn’t capable of providing. So in some ways I tried to get her attention and I tried to spoil her on her birthday or just do things to get at her in a different way. But it didn’t pan out because she wanted more… and I knew I couldn’t, at the time, because both figurative and literally, her attention and affection cost too much.

She was the type to name her facebook photo albums - and she had a lot of photos lol - after songs. And somehow I stumbled onto Paul Simon’s “Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes.” This song reminds me of her because in a sense it embodies my struggle with her. It’s about a boy who’s “poor” but still entertains a girl for a brief time who is accustomed to the rich and lavish things (clearly, a pair shoes with ‘diamonds on the soles’ ain’t cheap). He knows he has to step it up to have a good time with her so he ‘changes clothes and puts on aftershave/to compensate for his ordinary shoes.’ In a sense, the song is analogous to any guy who wants to make a good impression on a first date with someone they may feel is “on another level” than them. It’s an “active” song but tells a good story.

And yeah, every once in a while, I hear that song… or iTunes Shuffle plays it. And I think of her - the girl who I wasn’t good enough for and who, consequently, taught me I should always be wary of dating those I felt I wasn’t able to measure up to.

30 Day Song Challenge Day 4: A Song That Makes You...

Sat, 11 Jun 2011 14:22:43 -0500

30 Day Song Challenge

Day 4: A Song That Makes You Sad

Technically, Z-Ro’s “I Hate You” was supposed to be here. But sometimes that song makes me laugh. And, I also got distracted by BABEL.

My top 3 movies of all time never change. The top 10, however, stay rotating. Every time I think I have a fixed order, I stumble onto some movie that challenges my way of thinking or makes me dig a little deeper in terms of relating to the characters or the situations themselves.

For those of you who aren’t familiar, Alejandro González Iñárritu is an INCREDIBLE director. He somehow finds a way in every film to interweave individual stories into a sweeping narrative that leaves the viewer, if not touched, then certainly scarred. Amongst Iñárritu’s best work is a film entitled BABEL, a film who sits at #8 on my Top 10 list and whose tagline is, “Pain is universal.” Iñárritu’s storytelling in the film is nothing short of amazing, and you’ll easily find yourself feeling for every character and rooting (or hoping) their predicaments are resolved.

The theme for BABEL, “Bibo No Aozora,” plays towards the end of the film, as every storyline is wrapped up and the credits begin. Composed by Ryuichi Sakamoto, “Bibo No Aozora” opens with the calm thud of piano keys and is soon accompanied by measured, sweeping strokes of a violin. As the two start to mesh and work in sync with each other, and the music builds, rising and falling, the song is both thoughtful and saddening. The strings literally seem to tug at your heartstrings. I would hear this song again during the climax of the medical horror movie Pathology, and later still when Trey Songz sampled it for his joint “Can’t Be Friends.”

Whenever I’m in a bad mood or feeling mad at my friends, family, or even members of the opposite sex, I retreat into this song, “Bibo No Aozora.” It’s just depressing enough to tug at the heartstrings, but as the song starts to build and build, so do my own expectations rise… and so I am given hope.

30 Day Song Challenge Day 3: A Song That Makes You...

Sat, 11 Jun 2011 13:39:01 -0500

30 Day Song Challenge

Day 3: A Song That Makes You Happy

Everyone who REALLY knows me, knows that I’m actually a big kid at heart. When I need to laugh or clear my head, I often turn to cartoons. Sometimes the only thing that stopped me from going on a person or “having a moment” was an episode of Tom & Jerry (word to the “Is you is, or is you ain’t, my bay-bay?!” episode) or a throwback episode of Batman: The Animated Series.

But perhaps most especially, I love Disney movies. True, the addition of PIXAR into the mix has definitely changed the game, allowing Disney to create instant classics through computer generated images (CGI) where before CGI was at best moderately useful. However, even before then, Disney had quite a few animated masterpieces, many of which introduced children to and prepared them for tragedy, heartbreak, and triumphs over adversity. One of these masterpieces was definitely The Lion King.

To this day, when I hear “I Just Can’t Wait to Be King,” I always stop whatever I’m doing and dance (or at least bob my head and shoulders) along. It’s just uplifting and encouraging and the drum beat takes your mind off worries for a minute to celebrate… well, yourself. And the throne that’s due to be yours someday.

30 Day Song Challenge Day 2: A Song You Hate Your Least...

Thu, 09 Jun 2011 23:43:00 -0500

30 Day Song Challenge

Day 2: ~~A Song You Hate~~ Your Least Favorite Song

I would like to believe I wasn’t the only one who was disappointed back in 2010, when Clifford “T.I.” Harris was busted and arrested YET AGAIN after having just gotten out of jail. I don’t want to say I drank the Kool-Aid because I truly do believe the man had good intentions and was quite genuine when he did all those interviews with MTV’s Sway and participated in that whole Road to Redemption TV series. I truly do believe that he was working towards walking along a more straight and narrow path.

To his credit, T.I. made it easy for us. He held a post-jail press conference assuring the public that he would do better, for his fans and especially for his family. His wife, Tiny - in a sense the contemporary definition of a “ride or die chick” - stood by him. And in much the same way that he had in 2008, dropping an anthemic first single, “No Matter What,” that setup for the amazing comeback now known as Paper Trail, two motivational tracks - “I’m Back” and “Got Your Back” featuring Keri Hilson - dropped to help build hype for T.I.’s next album, KING: Uncaged.

It was supposed to be the setup for yet another comeback. Then… life happened, or rather, an unfortunate soul got a little too careless yet again. Clifford Harris would be busted by authorities, his wife in tow, for being caught in possession of marijuana. It was stupid. You’d think a man freshly out of jail would take more precautions to ensure he… well, didn’t go right back after just saying “I’m Back.” In any case, everything changed. KING: Uncaged got scrapped but, in an effort to at least put out something - possibly moreso to satiate the label than the fans - we were treated to No Mercy.

No Mercy was underwhelming. While some tracks on the album do shine, the rest of it feels rushed, unpolished, and like something put out for the sole purpose of making money for the label and not for actually creating something listenable. No Mercy is also responsible for what I consider to be one of T.I.’s worst songs ever, the Neptunes-produced “Amazing” featuring Pharrell Williams. “Amazing” is that type of obnoxious song that you don’t like, but ends up stuck in your head. Propelled forward by a painfully basic chorus and Tip’s very generic rhymes throughout, it’s just not a great look. However, it’s catchy. Annoyingly, frustratingly catchy. So some people will like it. I did not.

Some would argue that the greatness began really with The...

Wed, 08 Jun 2011 13:03:00 -0500

Some would argue that the greatness began really with The Blueprint, when an unknown to most of the world but well-cited head within the industry made a brief appearance in the music video for Jay-Z’s smash single “IZZO (H.O.V.A.).”

I remember when I first saw the video for this back in 2003, having woken up about an hour or so earlier than everyone else since I had to get ready for class. The sheer artistry of the video itself, coupled with the great sample of Chaka Khan’s voice on “Through the Fire” and the man’s uncanny ability with witty wordplay, had me impressed. Even more impressive, is that this man was so focused on the dream, on proving to the industry with his debut album that he could be both a great producer and a great rapper… that he was willing to rap his first single with his jaw freshly wired up after getting in a car accident. To date, arguably, The College Dropout is his best contribution to contemporary hip-hop.

Happy, Happy Birthday, Kanye West. In Dropout Bear We Trust.

The 30 Day Song Challenge Although at times, I regret my hearing...

Wed, 08 Jun 2011 02:31:00 -0500

The 30 Day Song Challenge

Although at times, I regret my hearing aid and my ability to only hear out of one ear, I’m SO thankful that God even allowed me the ability to hear at all. I’d be missing out… on everything. The voices of people I know. The sound of a scream or chant of joy or encouragement when people attend something to support you. And most importantly, the sound of music. I have a song for every one of my moods. As there is new music available literally almost every day, every mood has nearly 10 songs dedicated to it, and these 10 songs tend to rotate. My music game is as complex as I am. Stumble through my music folder, and in a sense, it’s like tumbling through my mind and personality.

I’ve decided to use my tumblr to embark on the 30 Day Music Challenge. Basically, how this works is, you post a song that fits a particular sentence or “theme” of a given challenge day. At the least, this will get me using my tumblr more haha. So… here goes…

—-

Day One: Your Favorite Song

It figures that the challenge would start with what I consider to be THE most difficult question of them all. I have multiple favorite songs. So I’m trying to choose one that set a tone for me, one that I’ll never forget and one that I’ve known for a while.

When I was three years old, I heard the catchiest beat ever. It started out slowly… an almost quiet finger-snapping sound. Then, back-to-back beats in sets of two, which didn’t overpower but fell right in step with the finger snapping. And then, a voice -

She was more like a beauty queen, from a movie scene…

The way it sounded… I had never heard it before - indeed, my mom played the hell out of Prince records but not this; no offense to The Purple One - but it struck a chord with me. It would be years before I fully understood that the song was really just an elongated and catchy version of a plot worthy of a The Maury Showepisode. But at three years old, that didn’t matter. All I knew at three years old, was that I wanted to snap along and bob my head along to “Billie Jean.” Never mind that at three years old, I had NO IDEA what it meant to be called “the one” and reply “the kid is not my son.” The beat was just infectious. And then when I saw the Motown performance late one night, I started attempting to moonwalk whenever the song came on (leading to some disastrous crashes backwards into the living room walls; I was a clumsy child).

Twenty-two years later, “Billie Jean” is still a song that makes me dance, that makes me bob my head almost as a natural reaction, that makes me turn up the radio full blast. Every time I hear it, I remember my childhood. And these days especially, I miss Michael Jackson and the absolute gift he was to music.

Mo' Iller

Wed, 25 May 2011 01:06:00 -0500

So this is who I speak fo’
To give the young [men] somethin’ they could reach fo’…

Yeah, I stunt, but I’m a little mo’ realer
When it come from the heart, don’t it feel mo’ iller?

- J. Cole, “Return of Simba”

It’s 1:05 in the morning in Houston, Texas. Merely minutes ago, I was hard at work attempting to refine and finish up the novel I’m currently working on. I stopped mid-writing because for a minute, I didn’t trust that part of the plot. I wanted to backspace, to delete everything. I was worried it wasn’t as great as it could have been. That I wasn’t as great as I needed to be.

For aspiring authors, writing is no easy task. I’m sure to the outside observer, or the faithful reader who sees us post something on facebook every week, it seems like it comes to us effortlessly. “You write so well,” you’re told. Or you hear something along the lines of, “It’s like you said everything I wanted to say if I were a better writer.” And that’s only if you’re lucky. Most of the time, all you get is a Facebook or blog entry “like.” lol

I appreciate the above verse in J. Cole’s song “Return of Simba,” because at this particular juncture in life, I’m in the process of trying to make my dream come alive - trying to write the first of what will hopefully be many published works. Why write? Because it’s what I’m good at. Because apparently, some of my friends see something in me that I don’t quite see in myself. Something marketable. Something worth reading. Something worth supporting.

“… when it come from the heart, don’t it feel mo’ iller?’

That’s what I feel separates me - or anyone who considers themselves a standout in their craft - from the rest of the pack. Because everyone has a story to tell. But those of us who write from the heart, who bring the very best of our minds, of our emotions, to the table… we are the most worthy of the creators. In my poems and stories, I often hide certain things. I lace my own experiences within character dialogue and interactions. Or, more fittingly, I replace the way I would have handled certain situations or people in real life. It used to be scary easy to tell when I was crushing on a girl because I would always write a poem about them and said poem would always make its way onto facebook lol. I don’t write poems about “one girl in particular” anymore partially because I haven’t met “one girl in particular” but mainly because I’ve learned the potential backfire of putting yourself out there on display for the world. Especially when it’s rejected.

At the same time, I understand how important and crucial it is that I DO put my heart on the line when I write. When I take a look at some of my more emotionally driven works, not to toot my own horn, I went IN. The lyricism and flow and double meanings were seamless. Not like when I write concept poems or anthems, when I have to interrupt or pause for a minute or two to find the right word or set of rhymes. I have to treat my writing the way I do my relationships - chips all in, no bullshitting or half-stepping. All heart. I definitely experience some trepidation. What if you don’t like it? What if it’s too “revealing?” What if the woman I want MOST to like it (well, the other woman, after Moms) doesn’t like it? All these things run through my head.

I can’t let that phase me, though. The very reason I’m “a lil mo’ realer,” as a writer is because, as comedian Kevin Hart would say, I “say it with (what’s inside) my chest.” That’s the only way to do it. 100% passion, pull no punches. That’s the way I’ll always do it until one day, someone takes notice.

I hope you caught my drift. I hope you felt that beat. Because this… this came from the heart.

"And Lord knows, kids… need a hero. Courageous, self-sacrificing people. Setting examples for..."

Sat, 14 May 2011 23:58:29 -0500

““And Lord knows, kids… need a hero. Courageous, self-sacrificing people. Setting examples for all of us. Everybody loves a hero. People line up for them, cheer them, scream their names. And years later, they’ll tell how they stood in the rain for hours just to get a glimpse of the one who taught them how to hold on a second longer. I believe there’s a hero in all of us, that keeps us honest, gives us strength, makes us noble, and finally allows us to die with pride, even though sometimes we have to be steady, and give up the thing we want the most. Even our dreams.””

- Aunt May Parker, Spider-Man 2 (2004)

Something Like an Introduction

Sat, 14 May 2011 02:57:00 -0500

I always wanted to be Batman.

No, seriously. It started when I was 3 years old. I was born in 1986. In 1989, Tim Burton’s film Batman came out. From the very minute I saw the man in his black outfit and cape, a presence both intimidating and inspiring, I became a Batman superfan. I asked my mother to get me everything Batman. T-Shirts… Batman bubble bath… the toy Batman, Joker, even the toy Batmobile. I thought I was bad walking around the house in the my Batman logo-ed Fruit of the Looms and pajama shirt.

As I got older, I continued to appreciate Batman. I followed his evolution in film and comics when I could buy them. I tried to understand his “real life” persona, Bruce Wayne. I was always intrigued by that - the idea of being a superhero, of taking on not necessarily a costume, but a cause. Of being someone that others looked up to, admired… followed. I met other superheroes as I grew up, of course. Superman. Spider-Man (who, as a nerd, I especially related to for a minute). The X-Men. But none mattered more to me than Batman. And as I got older, I saw Bruce Wayne as a role model of sorts, too. Philanthropic. Committed to maximizing his potential. Rising out of adversity. So committed to a cause that it would prevent him from being able to fully commit to love. Affluent but not pretentious about it.

I say all this to say… my name is Jay. I’m a goofywriternerdromanticflawed gentleman. And I want to be a superhero one day. Or at least an inspiration. I hope you’ll follow my journey as I try to be exactly that - if not to the world, then definitely to you.